Well hello again – fellow Felines ( and all their staff) – it’s been a while I know, but I have been busy, there’s only so many hours in day to get in a good 18hrs sleep, grooming, some napping and 2 square meals!
Now over the last few days, myself and my friends have noticed that both our Female staff have been staying at home a lot more, in fact for over a week now, and there’s also been some, ahem, “ slippage” in the usual timetable and routine, such as breakfast, which is now a fair bit later in the morning than expected, and there’s a lack of the mandatory semi-panic to get “everything done” in time to get to this thing they call “work”…
This has always fascinated us, as it’s something that most humans seem to dislike doing, or at least dislike doing in the particular way or place or with the other humans they find themselves having to do this “work” with, yet it seems to take up an awful lot of their time, and they appear to do it for money, rather than wanting to, or for sheer pleasure (as any self respecting cat would only do, of course). How very quaint!
Though the money is, of course, useful, after all it is needed to exchange for the important things like cat food, toys, litter, bedding and naturally more cat food. What little is left over, of course, they are very welcome to spend on whatever they need to carry on getting more money, so the happy cycle can be maintained.
“our staff seem to be loitering about the house a lot more than usual”
I’m terribly sorry I seem to have digressed… as I was observing some of our staff seem to be loitering about the house a lot more than usual, taking up seating in the chairs and couch when normally these are priority seating for us between 9am and 6pm, and hogging the internet, when we could be using it – (oops, now you know why your bills are sometimes a little, erm, high) – and most inconvenient of all, monopolising the TV remote, so that it’s getting more than a little difficult to get to watch the programmes we like.
“all us Felines support, provided of course, this doesn’t compromise the staff’s normal duties”
We have heard from careful listening (that’s why our ears are always moving even when we appear asleep) that the human in charge of our (human) staff have told them they must stay indoors for much longer than usual and “work” from home if possible – which all us Felines support, provided of course, this doesn’t compromise the staff’s normal duties for us as per usual.
As a result I would like to offer all of our Feline friends some advice:
One, stay calm, this is a temporary measure I’m sure. If food serving times do begin to slide, it is entirely appropriate to scratch on the bedroom door / mew loudly outside it much earlier in the morning (Pre-Dawn Chorus is effective) – and remember they’re not getting up for work, so they can go back to bed after serving you, so no worries there.
Two, should the seating be occupied and is required for an urgent nap, a more vigorous application of the “Wedge” is advised, for two humans or more, by squeezing between them and pushing firmly and steadily (one will always give way, I promise) or the old favourite, getting behind them and again applying pressure (kneeding or puddening with the occasional accidental claw) until the seat is vacated.
Three, the “Mind Control Stare” will be even more effective at this time as they are no doubt feeling guilty at being at home loafing than out working, so approach your stationary humans say every 10 minutes, sit calmly and composed and then proceed to engage the stare, keep eye contact as much possible and apply until they either vacate the seat, or feed you. This is particularly effective in a multi-Feline home, when applied in a rolling shift pattern; your humans will, I guarantee, soon succumb to your wishes.
Four, keep active – ensure that, as usual, you keep to your “mad-five-minutes” fitness routine. This is most effective when your humans are either hogging the TV, starting to doze, or actually asleep, and again extremely effective in a multi-Feline home if you wait until calmness has returned before the next one of you has their turn.
“this will keep your humans/staff motivated, fit and maintain the natural domestic order”
Apply all of the above regularly, and this will keep your humans/staff motivated, fit and maintain the natural domestic order, until things get back to normality and the house is vacated by them at the proper times!
Happy Purring ’til next time,